For many reasons, it seems like it’s becoming harder and harder to find adequate people to be friends or to start a romantic relationship with.
At first sight, they look decent, sensible, and friendly. But suddenly, the same person we’ve agreed to invite into our lives due to their attractive personality turns into these toxic, energy-draining vampires.
How can a person transform so much, and how did we notice no hints? Indeed, that’s because they haven’t changed at all. Most of them remained the same – masterful manipulators with their superficial pleasantness.
Many of us can relate to the feeling of overwhelming oppression because of the relationship we still have with a toxic individual. So who are these human beings, and how can we recognize them to stop poisoning our lives? Keep reading to find out the five types of people to avoid or cut ties with.
Indeed, it’s not so tricky to instantly recognize a gossip lover, but we tend to be more irrational when it concerns our good old friend. If you’re that kind of person who does their best to keep a friendship and make it healthy, it’s natural to expect your friend to do the same in return.
It’s impossible to imagine that someone with whom you share all your secrets and plans and with whom you rarely have any quarrels can just go around gossiping about you. It seems mean and unfair. Yet, unfortunately, many people have this terrible habit.
A gossiper desires continuous attention, and they’ll do anything to get it, even if that means practically making up fables. They may truly care for you, yet that won’t stop them from telling someone else all about your little secrets. They can’t cease doing it even when their deeds are far worse than yours. You know what people say about that – “the pot calls the kettle black.”
If you have a fellow that reveals to you someone else’s secrets without even hesitating, they’re indeed sharing yours with the same ease. Decent people stop themselves from discussing anyone more than they should.
Still, you may think that breaking off all relations with them is not a good idea since they know much about you. What if they start reviling you? Well, this might not sound very pleasant, but chances are they already did.
The Passive Aggressor
Passive aggression means the passive expression of unfriendliness or hatred. It is not necessarily intentional, but that doesn’t make it less toxic and hurtful.
Some people cannot be straightforward about what they feel, but they’ll undoubtedly tell you if you confront them. This doesn’t relate to a passive-aggressive person. They use various ways and methods to confuse and manipulate you, and if you happen to attack them, they’ll just become defensive, find excuses or deny everything.
Besides, passive aggressors are highly hostile and are among the most toxic human beings to have around. They have a particular ability to make everything gloomy and cold. You can try your best to show them a more positive way; however, they have a way of turning that around.
In order to recognize a passive aggressor, try to find the hints in their body language. Think of a person who is visibly mad at you. When you ask them “What’s up,” they’ll immediately reply with “Nothing, I’m ok.” The same can happen with your mate. They say everything’s ok, yet they’re still moving away from you or sending confusing signs that’ll make your brain run in circles.
Stonewalling means when someone is being detached, short-spoken, and refuses to cooperate.
The stonewaller doesn’t want to engage in communication or just bans your efforts to start a conversation. Indeed, everyone might be tiresome or someone who doesn’t want to stop talking.
However, their behavior always makes you feel neglected as a person, humiliated, abandoned, needless, and even angry. It’s hard to have a healthy connection with someone so cold and unfeeling.
Often the stonewallers bring you down through the far distance they keep from other people. You can usually realize it when you’re hanging around those individuals because you start to feel entirely lonely. This happens because they see no point in having a real connection between them and anyone else, and you’re just a tool used to build their self-esteem.
Stonewallers are merely destructive people, and it’s necessary to get rid of them. If they’re not willing to remove them, you need to stop banging your forehead against the “wall.” Most stonewallers are not reachable, and they reject responsibility for the suffering their behavior causes you.
Everyone needs someone who can adequately evaluate their abilities and give them honest and well-reasoned feedback about behavior or work, even if negative. That’s called constructive criticism. However, it becomes a big problem if a partner constantly criticizes you no matter what and how you do.
Critics are quick to tell you precisely what is and isn’t good. They have a manner of taking the thing you adore most of all and making you feel awful about it. Instead of encouraging and inspiring people who are different from them, critics look down on others. They stifle your desire to be a creative, expressive person, so you’d better cut them out and be free of their negative opinion.
When a friend or a partner makes you feel like you can’t do anything right, it will undoubtedly lower your self-esteem, especially if you appreciate their viewpoint.
The critic will immediately attack you whenever they’re not satisfied with something (perhaps in their lives either). And the truth is, everything you do will never please them.
They will constantly criticize the person, not their deeds. Take a close look at people saying: “Look, what you have done!”; “You always mess things up!”; “You’re not capable of …” If you’ve detected something similar, you must do something about it. People who care about you won’t take any chance to humiliate you so they can feel better about themselves.
Numerous people may call an ordinary introvert antisocial. However, introverts have nothing in common with antisocial people since the first type is just an individual feature, while the second is a personality disorder.
An antisocial individual can walk into a room and instantly suck the life out of it. Besides, they always ignore the feelings and borders of others. This can be explained by the traits of sociopathy or psychopathy they have. Indeed, some of them can feel empathy and regret, while others bottle up their feelings and imitate emotions.
Unfortunately, this type is the hardest to identify because they are mental chameleons. They will deceive you by forging the required emotions to get whatever they want: personal gain, money, or recognition.
Wild behavior, indifference, arrogance, and inattentiveness are standard features of an antisocial person. If you happen to find out anything about their past relationships, you may realize that they were all toxic and abusive. Don’t hesitate to get rid of such individuals before it’s too late!
How to Protect Yourself from Toxic Individuals
Toxic people get on your nerves because their behavior is irrational and inconsistent. Stop trying to outplay them at their own game. Distance yourself from them emotionally, and regard your relationships with them as cold science work. You don’t need to reply to the emotional instability — keep an equal mind.
If distancing is not your case, try to establish boundaries, but do it persistently and proactively. If you leave everything as it is, you will undoubtedly find yourself constantly drawn in poisonous conversations. If you set decent boundaries and define the right time to contact a difficult person, you will always be able to control your interactions.
To Sum Up
No matter how good you are at judging characters, you may still encounter toxic people and abusers. It’s sad because they’re so good at disguising themselves as decent individuals. And when they finally unveil their true intentions, we’re the ones left in the grey zone of confusion, wondering if this is just a single case or we indeed have no idea who we were dealing with all the time.
Don’t blame yourself for sometimes making mistakes. It’s not your fault they can easily fool you. But when the red flags start to emerge, make sure to get rid of them from your life before things get any worse.